couldn't pour water out of a boot with the instructions on the heel
/ˈkʊd.n̩t po(ː)ɹ ˈwɔ.təɹ ɵut ʌv eː buːt wʰɪθ ðə ɪnˈstɹʌkʃənz ɔn ðə hil/
extremely incompetent or inept
“He couldn't pour water out of a boot with the instructions on the heel.”
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